Too Cool For School, Too Dumb To Get A Job-Introductory Ramblings

"Rock and Roll is here to stay, come inside where it's okay, and I'll shaaaaaaake you...."

Folks, its the greatest and most important invention the world has ever seen. I don't care about the wheel, sliced bread, the bomb, or the Styrofoam cooler, none of us would be where we are today if it weren't for rock and roll. Spawned from poverty, anger, cheap booze, and a desire for fine chicks, the US launched a preemptive strike with Chuck Berry, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, and Jerry Lee Lewis, and the British fired back with the Beatles, the Stones, the Kinks and the Who. Not to be outdone, America retaliated with a carefully calculated assault by the Beach Boys, the Sonics, the Ventures and the Byrds, while our rivals across the ocean reloaded and prepared to bombard us with Pink Floyd, the Small Faces, Cream, and a young man named Jimi Hendrix who had defected to the other side with promises of fame and fortune. The battle intensified with the recruitment of special force units Blue Cheer, the Stooges, the Velvet Underground, the MC5, and Creedence Clearwater Revival, while the cunning Brits were calling our bluff with the likes of Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, and a sloppier, sleazier, snottier Faces. We soon unleashed our secret weapons and began blitzing the world with the Ramones, the Dolls, Television, Richard Hell, and Blondie, while those smarty-pants lobsterbacks stole our blueprints and used our own weapons back on us with the Pistols, the Clash, the Damned and Generation X. Folks, its the greatest arms race in the history of civilization, and its impact has been miles larger than anything the Cold War could muster. And it still continues to this day.

But in 1979, it nearly came to a premature close.

In the 60's, labels widely knew one important fact- they didn't have a damn clue as to what was "cool" and what wasn't. Therefore they paid people, like Danny Fields-the man who gave us the Stooges, the MC5, the Ramones and much, much more-to be cool for them and find out what was good and what wasn't. Imagine that, being paid to be cool. Getting a weekly paycheck for sitting in an office and licking acid off your palms. If that's not rock and roll, then honey, I don't know what is. The results of this were there greatest period of innovation and exploration in popular music history. But, by the end of the 70's, major labels knew what would sell and what wouldn't. And as the Ramones told us so bluntly, "We need change and we need it fast, before rock's just part of the past, 'cause lately it all sounds the same to me". And sound the same it did. Sure, a lot of gems escaped out onto mainstream radio, but overall, everything was a watered down, prepackaged version of its former self. But luckily, just under the surface, plenty of kids were taking the Ramones' warning to heart. The advent of underground music in America and Europe in the early 80's produced a period of invention and originality not seen since the 1960's. Just as one new innovation would be bought out by mainstream society, another was simmering and ready to take its place. Within ten years, underground culture had given birth to hardcore, goth, industrial, indie, shoegazer, death metal, hip hop, grunge, noise, synth pop and a million other sub-genres. And so it continues to this very second, where the next huge revolution in rock and roll could be brewing in a basement on your block. It may look a little different, and it might be a little harder to find than it used to be, but as long as kids are angry, depressed, confused, and have a desire to fuck, rock and roll will never die.